Danse Macabre

ok hi after so long

2010-12-14T23:34:00.002+08:00

and so i was abruptly reminded of this neglected virtual sanctuary by a certain someone who happened to ask if i had a blog. and then it just came back, like a sudden rush of nostalgia and a desire to pen my thoughts into pixels on my screen.

okso i've been really really busy with school and photography and sometimes both mixed together that i really forgot about my other hobbies. lately i've been underutilising my rc car and my drums and guitar have gone untouched for the longest period of time.

and so an invitation to jam Marry You by Bruno Mars relighted my interest in drumming.

im once again picking up my sticks and headphones for practice.

heres a video:

his fills are good and the variation on the otherwise stagnant and dry drum part is really novel and fresh.

my attendance this sem has been really shitty. some modules have 1 more lesson before debarment from exams. really need to buck up and start having more self discipline. i think the marriage of late nights and "dont give a fuck" mornings is the culprit behind my 86% attendance.

apart from that, its now week 9 of the semester and the hols are next week!

apart from that that, the sheryleow now has a boyfriend i need to catch up!

its gonna be christmas soon! and then taiwan trip! and then tp!

2010-06-21T23:42:00.002+08:00

when i'm feeling like this, and i don't know what to say, Coldplay never fails to speak to me and for me. therefore i'll blog this post with excerpts from their songs.

"So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?"

"O no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,"

"Confidence in you,
Is confidence in me?
Is confidence in high speed?"

"So I wanna live in a wooden house,
Where making more friends would be easy.
I wanna live where the sun comes out ..."

"but life is for living we all know
and I don’t want to live it alone"

"Give me one, cause one is best
And in confusion, confidence
Give me peace of mind and trust
And don't forget the rest of us"

"In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change"

"Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign."

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need"

"You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if you're stuck in square one."

boring day

2010-06-16T23:05:00.004+08:00

ohai im back from dance class. i can feel my dance getting more and more awesome! in popping 1 i used to struggle with the choreo but now its so natural to me ohyeahh.

so today was quite a fail day cause cca at np was cancelled and so i decided to drop by archery club room and joined them for their buffet outing. my car was ruined by them. muffler broke off :(

ate until i was full to the brim and went home for a nap.

okay yesterday(tuesday) was awesome day. the sheryleow went to create an awesome hair and i was there to witness the unravelling of the (not so)new hair. and then went to play the pool:

this is me being Mr Nice Guy and giving charity free pool tuition to the sheryleow and we winned N and D.

you're a needy girl, and you want my world, im tryna change, but its not the same

hi im back

2010-06-10T03:39:00.002+08:00

it's been long since i blogged but iam so bored now.

list of submissions due this friday:
1: data structures quiz 3 and 4
2: risk and incident management written assignment
3. project UI and ERD
4. dbms assignment

1 and 2 have been "referenced" but im having problem "rewriting" it. 3 and 4 are pretty much screwed and i refuse to do it cause it'll be screwed anyway.

thursday supposed to be my "do the project" day but it seems i have to use it to do the rest of the assignments.

this week's been pretty awesome. but i keep having the feeling that im f-ing myself in the ass by not doing all these work.
Monday-cant remember what i did. Tuesday-lunch with the sheryleow and failed M18 grand entrance but atleast watched Killers. Wednesday-lunch with the sheryleow and "the N and D come for dinner+frolick" thing.

thursday(tomorrow): i forsee a day of no-life godspeed chionging(which i doubt will happen)
friday: driving lesson+dels asked me to jam. not sure if i should join bandzout because i have alot of priorities right now. and no $ to jam :(

i hope holidays will be awesome because i pushed aside everything(apart from project) to ensure that i'll be Free For Fun! ohyeaaa FFF.

apart from that, im feeling irked by the sudden onslaught of China-Chinese immigrants. maybe they've been there all along, maybe i just didn't notice but the point being, they're appearing everywhere.

and don't you just hate it when the bus driver is a China person.
Scenario
Me: Hello does this bus go to NYP?
Driver: HUH
Me: 有没有去NYP?(trying in Mandarin lol)
Driver:HUH
Me(feeling fucked up at this point in time): Okay nevermind, how about AMK interchange?

no picturepost cause dslr has yet to be bought... soon! hehehehehehe :DDDDD

Jeremy Shaun Chan People eat breakfast after they get up from bed, I eat breakfast before going to bed :) its 3.46am nights world!

i hope you get fat hehehe.

Elaine Woohoo can i just stop every single things that is moving on the earth now? including time.

Basil Lam
you need to find the prince of persia dagger and stick it into the hourglass then you can reverse time.

epic stalker win!

idk why im blogging fb statuses but this shall be my next outlet for "redundant info" as the sheryleow puts it.

quote for everyone: "Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good to be doing it, but in the end you realise you've fucked yourself"

notsure who i got this from but its applying to my life right now.
okbye its really late i should sleep now.

2.1!

2010-03-16T23:31:00.003+08:00

i finally got 2.1 in my room ohyeahhhhhhh(say it in the peterchao CHAO OUTSIDE tone!). but its kinda disappointing. ohwell what you pay is what you get..

&& i found my sec1 blog like omg so childish manxzx.

&&& 14/03 awesum birthday cause got awesum friends yaye.

&&&& dance class tmr but the thought of working the whole day puts me off.

&&&&& why are my good friends all like this :(

on a brighter note, heres a pic taken at suntec while waiting.

i koped it from S's blog and i think this the first time im doing picture post. and in this pic, sheryleow acting like she think she powerpuff girl. andand Geraldine is just being....Geraldine.

kbye.

fun day out

2010-03-04T00:24:00.002+08:00

quite a funny day. people from id forums jio me play today. supposed to go from 10-12 then study for tmr exam. funny thing happened while waiting for arcade to open.

i sat down at the steps outside dbg arcade with my archery stuff.
6-7 policemen(beret kind with mp5) approach me.
1 policeman ask what im doing there.
me: "waiting for the arcade to open".
policeman: "you work there?".
me: "no i going to play".
policeman: "how old are you?".
me: "17"
policeman: "can i see some identification?"
me: "okay" and handed him my ic with epic mcdonalds monopoly sticker.
policeman walk away and call back with funny NS handphone.
some other policeman ask what sch i am...why no sch.
i say tmr exam.
some rubbish about what subject...what school...
then policeman say: "tmr exam then today why no sch"
me: "tmr exam today study ma"
policeman: "tmr exam, today play arcade? POWER SIA!"
me: "tmr exam is the subject i can get high marks in!"

lol k moral of the story: "iam going to get full marks for cryptography tmr!"

anywayz awesum day! after arcade was in the train when i decided to crash anna and julia gay outing. met them at azabu sabo@The Central and then went to national musuem for funny mummy exhibition where i made a Sexy Egyptian Bookmark!

then after that 313 for awesome iced milo. then walked to fareast. and i studied my topic 3 during their "express" manicure. and then sushitei@ngee ann city.

ok i be damned for exam tmr i hope got godspeed chionging NOW!

kbye.

bX-dg5405!

2010-02-28T22:47:00.003+08:00

okay i found the solution for this problem. blogger forums and FAQ are useless. only me iz useful! the problem is that you are signed in to another google product(eg. youtube) and then when you come to blogger.com, it asks you for the password to the currently-signed-in-to-youtube account. and then when you click sign in with another account, and enter your blog username+password, you will get this error.

steps to resolve:
1 Go to your blog url and sign out of it if you have the header thingy.

2 Sign out of the other google product(youtube in my case).

3 Clear your browser cache.(usually this will do but the first 2 steps are to make this guide look pro).

on other news, bday is coming up in 2 weeks time. i need to make a wishlist/to-do-list. not entirely related but yea. 17.99999999999 years old is a good time to make wishlists.

kkayz.

TO-DO-LIST:

check my eye/send contact lens for rma.
send my saitek flight stick for rma.
send my netbook for rma.
send my laptop battery for rma.
book BTT on my bday.
make a video cover of Opeth-Windowpane playing all the intruments except keys.
POPPING CLASS!
try for TKO in next week's NTU competition.
remove my desktop's IDE drive(its slow like mad dog).
get another SATA or a new monitor for my desktop.
home wireless extension!
rebond fringe(this has been wanted for an omgwtfbbq long time).
finish up my 2 model planes and 1 model ship.
organise meeting for kumar tuition friends.
SCJP omglulz.
nerf war muahahahahahaha...

WISHLIST:

to be happy. im happy when my good friends are happy. but still its not as happy as being happy when they're happy that im happy.
speakers in my room for my laptopz and ipodz.
new amp for my guitar!
new guitar.
DOUBLE DRUM PEDALS omglulz
i wish for my FD3S in initial d5 to become twin turbo :(
subaru impreza! im so going to try for the impreza challenge!(say it in the "IM SO GOING TO SWENSONS" tone but i know it failz damnnnn)
driving license for under $900.
flip flops.
razer mousepad
mobile broadband
happily ever after sweet romance relationship thingy.

okay iam done. this is me in id5 now. im planning to make me look like an ahgua. so that explains the blusher. the epic black/white background is for epic dramatic intro scene like JAMES BOND.

yihuan birthday

2010-01-30T00:28:00.001+08:00

these few days have been tired out due to all the planning and preparation for the celebration. collecting money from the class sure was tough. not many people were willing to chip in. planning was hard too because the time frame for the surprise was close.

overall, the surprise was a success because yihuan believed that there was no celebration going on and she thought that eggs were all she had for birthday present!

Mr Lam CK even asked me if i will bake a cake for his birthday. i think even if he paid me, i wouldnt do it. i dont bake for just any ahkow or ahneow. only for special people. actually, its only for a special person.

I like baking or cooking cause i put all my emotions into it, and i hope the person at the receiving end can taste my feelings.

too bad this time cake was quite a failure as feedbacked by the class.

Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

byebye phone

2010-01-08T11:42:00.002+08:00

phone is in repair. but i haz a temporary phone which is the same as 2 people in my class.
maybe, just maybe, i might have a thing for you. im not too sure though. i need some time to think it over but circumstances are looking bleak.

gym is failing recently. yesterday supposed to be my HIIT day with 5 mins of high intensity interval training but i trained in BattleGear4 instead. on the verge of mastering my handbrake drift and now im on the way to learning the heel-toe technique.

to quote one of my friend's fb status:
"INFATUATION is when you find somebody who is absolutely PERFECT. LOVE is when you realise that they aren't and it DOESN'T MATTER!"

awesumzzz kbye.

HAIIII

2009-12-26T05:00:00.001+08:00

hi im bored. like really. and im going to go to the gym tmr! and im going to sleep now kbyeeeeeeeeeee

ginger&spring onion stir fry!

2009-11-21T17:43:00.002+08:00

Basil is going to try a new recipe.
one day when im free. but im never free. howhow.

damnit project presentation on mon cause mine got postponed after friday when i skipped school.
it sucks presenting on my own cause theres noone to hide my ass.

amytay is a sleepig and i bet she is sleeping right now because she is not replying and i want my oysters. yum tum tum!

@amytay

2009-11-19T01:13:00.000+08:00

Open up open up
Don't struggle to relate
Lure it out
Help the memory escape
Still transparentness consumes me
And I feel like giving up

So I wither
And render myself helpless
I give in
And everything is clear
I breakdown
And let the story guide me

dream theater-wither

UPDATE!

2009-11-13T04:01:00.002+08:00

its 4 in the morning and im meeting joshua for breakie tmr at 9 :o
please someone help me clear up my homework. UI submission, maths tutorial, LAW essay, comm skillz, who knows what else..

OH AND HI amelia.

HELP!

2009-08-25T01:09:00.002+08:00

15 more hours to cmaths paper. if i study one week's worth of material in each hour, i might just manage to catch up with all the times i've been sleeping in lee siew lie's class, lim soo khim's tutorial and pretty much slacking and not knowing a shit or doing any single tutorial :(

helphelp. theres really so much to get started with. theres nomore time. theres CMATHS!

HI JOHN!

2009-08-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

well done JOHN. you have just proven yourself to be a low life who raped your prostitute whore mother and fucked her till she died. because obviously it appears that she hasnt taught you any fucking manners.

maybe she wasnt there to teach you any. i feel a deep sense of condolence towards your broken family. your dad probably fucked another man to give birth to a fucking misdeed to society like you.

if you wana flame my tagboard, please i beg you, have the balls to leave your name. unless you're a fucking abomination like i said, who was spawned of 2 men, and you have fucking no testicles.

OKAY back to real life, i dont think you have the right to judge me or my mum because your actions have proven that your mum (im sure you have 1, maybe 2 or 3..idk) has not taught you well. im so sorry for your parents. by flaming my tagboard, you are in essence echoing your own disabilities. by saying that i suck, it proves that you are even more of a sucker to have said that, furthurmore being behind a mask of anonymity. please provide me with a more intellectual argument.. dont waste your time and mine.

andand, happy mothers day to yours. im sure she would be delighted to know what a great son/daughter she has brought up. as you have cursed me, i mirror back, FUCK YOUR MOTHER.

Money

2009-08-19T23:36:00.001+08:00

do you want it? chances are your answer is YES.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT MONEY FOR?

wouldnt it be more practical to want the items that money can buy? rather than wanting money.

more.

2009-08-19T01:50:00.002+08:00

i have a constant fear that one day if i wake up, everyone will be gone.
I am so paranoid that every minute, im checking my brother to see if he is still breathing.

we all take for granted our life processes. what if they fail? would anyone care enough to know? or would you just fade away slowly to the depths of nocturne?

I trust to love / and then I find you never really felt the same

2009-08-19T01:17:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I feel like a fist
Sometimes I am the colour of air
Sometimes it's only afterwards
I find that I'm not there

The Sky Moves Sidewards(Phase One)- Porcupine Tree

When train of thoughts derail, when crimson shadows stalk the midnight sun, that's when you'll notice me.

Don't you see how we are just coloured people in a black and white world, running a grayscale rainbow?

goodbye me. release/renew/remember.

2009-08-16T23:33:00.002+08:00

wtf is going wrong with my life? nothing is right. thats whats wrong.
it seems all to easy to comprehend but reality flashback is deeper that what it appears to be.

color me monotone please.

Update!(finally)

2009-06-19T20:06:00.002+08:00

its been too long. i have to blog to make myself feel better.
yes, i am such a self-centred chauvinistic creature.
and you might ask why i keep using breaklines.
thats because opera mobile has a kink that does not cause word wrap.
and so, to keep my text in view, this is what i have to do.
i am right now at airport waiting for check in.
no pics to blog because i am lazy to take.
typing is irritatingly hard on my phone.

the past few weeks have been spent researching on archery equiptment.
mother almost burst when she saw the price.
but luckily im still alive.
i am missing out on archery camp :(
hope i wont put on too much weight.
and my mother korea siao.
everyday learn how to speak.

stupid korea mobile infrastructure only supports 3g phones.
which means i have to turn it on.
which is a risky thing cause htc phone use it alot.

okay bye.

scholarship presentation thingy.

2009-05-22T22:53:00.003+08:00

award ceremony today was unforgettable. will post the pic i took with ds when i get it.
(un)fortunately, ds didnt talk any rubbish today. this is so surprising.
im coughing like a mad dog now. coughed out blood quite shocking. i remember someone commenting that i cough like got throat cancer or something -.-

really hard to catch up on matrick will all the shit cramus rule, sarrus rule. i invent basil rule.
how to solve a 100x100 matrix problem using basil's rule:
1. read all the elements out loud
2. multiply the first column by the second row.
3. multiply the third column by the fourth row, and so on.
.
.
.
.
.
.
4. tear the paper.
5. burn it.
6. problem solved.

why do they make maths so complicated? everyone should just think like me. the world will be a better place. you know, stress causes cancer. we should stay healthy.

Taken during the 6 minutes i was awake in class. Sarrus rule+ jiekai kaopeh.

why do i need me?

2009-05-17T02:44:00.001+08:00

study session, maths was not accomplished.
test is on monday. death is on monday.
i tested a real live typewriter at my mom's office today. its so cute. even has a backspace thingy that you can erase your words.
buffet at cousin's house was filling. and next friday is another buffet. how am i going to slim down....
i have a Public Obscenity Death Metal Penis haircut now. it really sucks. really short, and my back is a slope. and it is really ugly.

so called designer haircut, i am going to regret this i swear. and i probably will refrain from cutting my hair in the next 1 year or so except for maintanence.

can someone tell me why the customers are not walking into my restaurant?

goodbye, hair

2009-05-16T02:05:00.002+08:00

alas, it is time that i part with this hair of mine. see you in half a year or so :(
today's webapp lesson was spent sleeping.
maths on monday, and study tomorrow, and i am watching anime now. oh nooooo i am becoming an otaku!!!!
damn it, i dont actually like anime. im just watching detroit metal city for the sake of it.
inspiration came to me today during lessons in the form of a jazzanova inspired piece. unfortunately, i had no concealable earphones and laptop charger to write the song down.
it was a lovely song with really soulful bass solos and guitar fills. please come back to me....

from love to disdain;

2009-05-15T01:33:00.002+08:00

work is starting to catch up, just like in secondary and primary school, i am defaulting on schoolwork and i am not paying attention in class. my restaurant city has 5.5million exp now.
maths test on monday, i am so dead because of not studying.
from pink floyd's Time:

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but youre older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

quite applicable to current situation of work not done. and "death" is in 2 days( the maths test).

i have been getting weirdos asking me the meaning of my blog url. okay let me say it once and for all. if you ever notice how i listen to music, you will say its death for my ears. but because i find my music so lovely, i rather listen to it for 5 mins and go deaf than listen to some stupid rihanna shit for the rest of my life, thats why suicide. and also, it supports my life philosophy of carpe diem. life is short, dont regret when the day passes.

clean parchment, nothing acheived,

2009-05-13T00:12:00.004+08:00

if life was a piece of parchment, and ours were clean, we are a failure.
if i were to see my own life on paper, i want it to be so interesting and colourful.
unlike some people who have been living in a reich of conformity, i live my life as i want. not as someone instructs me. i do the things i feel like doing, i eat the food i want, i listen to music that i love.
maybe i can start a carpe diem fan club. then theres a carpe diem kindergarten already. i shall be the principal next time.

a short summary of the days i havent been blogging:
SUNDAY, maths study session(damn fake) which progressed to pool.
MONDAY, nothing much, restaurant city is at max level.
TUESDAY, scholars meeting. must cut my hair damnit.

next friday is scholarship award presentation. ds and charles are coming.
ohmy. i wonder what will ds say about me.
next tuesday im going back to school for scholarship talk.

saturday

2009-05-10T01:24:00.004+08:00

woke up late today. was supposed to meet anna at 1030 but instead was woken up at 1050.
bus was taken to amk hub where julia and keping were met up with.
TAKEN was a mega desireable show.
i love that show. father is just so smart but unfortunately it is unrealistic. however, it is still action packed and logical and scary(based on anna).
after movie, lan was played but not before a second round of 3 boxes of octo ball($2 for 4, first round of 2 boxes was had before movie).
lan was really a brilliant design with auditoriom style layout and projector for the current game in progress.

ever wondered, how insignificant are the sound of sea waves, but without them the waves would not be as impactful? sea waves ebb and flow, come and go just like people do, but it is circumstance that truly makes it all significant. do we fight for our chance to live or let circumstances make our life?

gone wrong

2009-05-08T23:07:00.002+08:00

time for some self reflection. it seems that i am really getting too self centred for my own good.
someone please make me whole again.
sometimes, it seems that not saying anything is the best thing after all, because speech is often interpreted differently and misunderstood.
i admit that its me and jiekai's fault for sabo-ing other people's presentations. but it is really not our meaning to make you fail or what.
i am not trying to deny anything/clear my name by saying we are misunderstood or what, i just hope everyone affected will understand that we really had no malicious intention to see some other group fall.
we were just trying to be jokers in a perversely serious situation.
i recognise that we are at fault and i definately will do my best to change from now on.
please forgive us, guys. we still have a long way to go with each other.

when oppotunities missed=gained

2009-05-07T01:13:00.005+08:00

it is ironic when we look at life from a perspective that all is destined. then we will understand why some opportunities are meant to be missed and some are meant to be caught.
although i advocate not wasting our life, i have to admit that sometimes opportunities that miss us at the wrong time and wrong place are actually beneficial for us.
consider this scenario,
a man is late for work and he runs to catch the bus. he misses and then curses in agony. but 5 minutes into its journey, the bus catches fire and all passengers die.

now the same scenario, but with the man not being late.

chance really makes a difference in our lives. although i believe that we should fight fate, we cant underestimate the strength of fate playing with our lives.
i believe we should make the circumstances, not become a victim of it.

i also believe that life is short and precious. i dont know if i might be gone tonight. so i live each day as my last and enjoy to its fullest.
really no life are those who waste life thinking that we still have 60+ years to live.
and because of this some people might think i am being an idiot or what. but hey, after all its my life right. and i feel that we shouldnt waste life. CARPE DIEM!
i know i do things that make people think im retarded. it all boils down to one fact. i hate to act like someone im not.
i can digress into one whole long post repeating this same point on hypocrisy or, you the reader can simply click on my archives and remind yourselves why we shouldnt be hypocrites. hate them.

it always occurs to me as to why i have so much stuff like this swimming in my head waiting to be blogged(must be the music, i tells ya) and why do i blog everyday when my blog has defeated its purpose.

i had same thing as yesterday for lunch today. wanted to dota with bren class but was interuptted by the person who manages the keys to the classroom. then went library to slack before going for archery course thingy.

missed post

2009-05-06T00:15:00.003+08:00

i forgot to blog yesterday cause i was too tired and teaching maths on msn. really damn hard. communication medium is wrong. basically these two days have been really waking up early to go for temperature check up thingy. sleepy day today at school. i slept through essentials of IT and cmaths. quite scared i cant cope with school life.
had loads for lunch today. really was overkill with japanese egg teppenyaki thingy, side order of agedashi tofu and 2 boxes of sushi.
i am starting to feel sick. slept from after dinner till 10plus. and i just had pork for dinner!
yeah bullshit. why is everyone so paranoid. relax, swine flu havent started in sg yet. not in the next 2 days or so. then suddenly outbreaks will start happening like chain reaction.
because of the way H1N1 works, it gets spread before being discovered, and by the time its found out, the carriers are all over the world. then everyone panics. situation now looks as if nothing much is going on. but remember that H1N1 starts transmitting before showing symptoms. so im guessing withing the next week we will have our first case in sg, and then it will start outbreak like madness. i hope that we can have a zombie apocalypse.

theres some stupid french club orientation tomorrow. im definately not going due to archery :)
practical session tomorrow. hope no one dies.

flu paranoia temperature checking

2009-05-04T01:13:00.002+08:00

nyp has a new system of themperature check which will be starting tomorrow. and its damn inconvienient cause you have to report to some temperature centre to take your temperature every half a day.
i really wouldnt want to have symptoms of flu now. im really lagging behind in homework. maths is not even done. webapp presentation too.
howhow. i think i have no discipline to push myself to do work. someone please force me to do my homework.

is this suicide or a fatal attraction?

2009-05-03T03:15:00.002+08:00

see the irony is, either way i die.

woke up at 9 today and rushed to bugis where macs was bought and java studying was in progress. html was done also. next was soft toy hunting which resulted in a failure and loss of $17 just flowing down the drain of the machine. then proceeded to beach road for reconaissance of bag and after which, bus was taken to amk hub where we had drinks and food($2 tako pachi!).
i had buffet dinner at furama today. bursting full to the brim but food standard was deplorable. not worth the price.

project day

2009-05-02T01:48:00.002+08:00

woke up on the spot when project group was at the main gate of my house.
lynette, jie kai and joshua were here to discuss the webapp project proposal.
meeting evaluation : partial success.
due to the fact that we digressed halfway into piano, guitar, music, dota and webcam(lynette).
but we still managed to finish the proposal, with lynette leaving early and the guys proceeding for a LAN party.
many rounds of dota were played with TD also.
tomorrow is study day. it is very important. for now, dota. bye.

lines in the sand

2009-05-01T03:08:00.002+08:00

i never realised the beauty of falling into infinity until i started listening the album from front to back. its fits so well.
today was a really slack day. woke up extra early. breakfast-ed at macs and had scott lecture, followed by 2 periods of french and finally going home.
i had nothing to do at home and so i decided to sleep.
however, i woke up late and as a result, arrived in office 15 mins late.
it felt so good to be sitting back in the same seat as before.
labrador park is really an unknown location. easy to get lost.
started the fire with kelly and then waited for the others to come.
food was really in desireable quantities although not much can be said about the quality.

tomorrow-project group meeting at 1030. its 330 now. how to wake up in time -.-

Take away my pain
Let the cold inside
It's time to let it rain
There's nothing left to hide
Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
I'm learning to survive
Without you in my life
Til you come knocking at my door

so speak, im right here

2009-04-30T00:41:00.003+08:00

woke up late today(as usual again) but managed to catch the 72 that comes in time although it was really full to the brim.
first lesson was sunny sin. funny guy.
l4d session was in place during the tutorial. i dont remember much about lessons today. only that it ended at 1 and we proceeded for scholars meeting and i had archery course after that.
nothing much about today. class outing for friday=cancelled due to underwhelming response.
web app project meeting in place of that. saturday is reserved for study.
need to sleep now, or i someone will end up late. and tomorrow is scott lecture. ohmy.

absolution

2009-04-29T01:27:00.002+08:00

to eerong, there is no good or bad, there is only absolution.
good/bad is just a relative perspective from absolute.
whos to define the boundaries of good or bad?
whos to tell heaven from hell?
blue skies from pain?
whos to tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
a smile from a veil?

we are all tainted, with the perception of good and bad.
for that matter, good and bad are balanced in the ways of karma. there is a fixed amount, nothing more nothing less. only when there is bad, then good can be defined. only when there is dark, then we can know light.

really really fun day. went to Secret Location after school, and bugis after that. much fun at arcade as well as soft toy hunting. wasted situation, but i know that life is all planned out. one man's loss is another man's gain. thats the whole point i've been trying to convey about karma. theres no bad or good, only gain or loss. and i saw the whole concept happen right infront of me today.
meals for today- breakfast was skipped. chicken rice for recess at 11, teppenyaki egg thingy for "lunch" at 4 which was followed by 2 soft boiled eggs. More food was to come at Secret Location where i revealed the art of buying mixed rice. swift and steady, make your kill.
gramaphone called me to go in and i ended up buying 2 dt albums. train of thought and falling into infinity. listening to train of thought now. its really heavy and "senseless" if i might call it that. not the usual artistic and experimental dream theater.
desireable yakitori was had at bugis. dinner was forced down at home, too full, too unappetising.
going to sleep soon. i have to wake up early tomorrow. or else someone will be late for school due to a super long bath.
byeee.

right, wrong, or left?

2009-04-28T00:50:00.002+08:00

i am usually not one to emphasise on ethics but i feel compelled to do so today.
what is ethical?
Wikipedia defines ethics as "a branch of philosophy which seeks to address questions about morality, such as what the fundamental semantic, ontological, and epistemic nature of ethics or morality is, how moral values should be determined, how a moral outcome can be achieved in specific situations, how moral capacity or moral agency develops and what its nature is, and what moral values people actually abide by."
lost in it? dont worry, i am too.
caught in an ethical dilemma, i am torn between doing what is morally right and what is socially right.
who's to define right or wrong in the first place?
but, whats done cannot be undone. the truth out there is ugly and we all know it, but the spontaneous nature of life is what makes it beautiful.

had a wake up call from joanna this morning at 7-5, then went back to sleep. was 10 mins late for breakfast. quite a shit thing being there. light bulb=damn bright huh?
then had "recess" at 11-12pm and then did not eat anything for the rest of the day.
archery course on wed, and bbq on thursday. finally meeting up with them after so long.
sleepy time bye.

karma

2009-04-27T00:32:00.004+08:00

woke up at 1, and then cabbed to chloe's party at ponggol.
my engagement present for her:

during the party i was very awkward cause i didnt know anyone there. but thats part of the point.
while sitting down and staring outside, i saw a cleaner using a broom to hit the yellowed leaves of a tree. seeing that scene made me think,
why would the leaves be yellow there and then?
why would the cleaner be there, at that time?
why would she even be a cleaner in the first place?
why am i sitting at this place and this very moment?
what about chloe?
why would she have this party in the first place?

this is the product of what some people call, karma.
karma is not, as most people think, retribution or "what goes around comes around" per se.
it is the very meaning of life. if not for karma, the fabric of life wouldnt be intertwined such that we have that exact situation at that exact time. if not for karma, the woman would not be a cleaner.
even if she was, if not for karma, she wouldnt be there, at that very point in time.
if not for karma, the leaves would not be yellow.
if not for karma, i would not be there to see it all.
so, what i have realised, karma=life. there is no escaping it. and there is no "good or bad" karma per se. you cant gain good or bad karma.
its like money. theres a fixed amount in the economy. money makes the economy tick.
its just like karma. it is the currency of life.

life is so fragile, opportunities are present in front of us yet me dont realise it. we are there and then, so is the opportunity. if we miss it, we will never get it again. just think about events in your day that might have been compromised due to something else happening, and you will realise what i mean.

for example, you have to go to a party, and because the taxi driver had to go to the loo, he came late for you(yes he will come for you, and i dont mean you calling the cab, i mean the way fate plays on us), and you turn up late.
see the delicate, yet unbreakable circle of life?
more on the taxi driver thing i mentioned. we should think of events in our life as "fated" not as random, meaningless happenings. then, our life will have meaning. i believe that everything happens for a reason. if some events you are going through right now is affecting your life, think about why it has happened. and think about why we cant escape it.
it is not luck. there is no luck.
another example. i wouldnt be in nyp if not for o level score and my interest. and if i did not go to SA, i wouldnt get this score. wait, then what about psle? exactly. thats the way life is intertwined.

okay then i had lunch there. and went home around 3plus. no dinner for me. i slept till 6 plus before finishing up java tutorial 6. thats all for my pretty boring day.

sunburnt

2009-04-26T01:45:00.002+08:00

woke up late today(as usual) and rushed to nyp where jie kai was waiting for me. archery orientation was as hot as the sun. im sunburnt now like some cooked lobster and its irritatingly painful.
the orientation was pretty much a waste of time. playing icebreaking games and all.
was stuck under the sun for damn long and kept going into the shade to get a drink.
made some new friends today.
i lunched with jiekai at koufu. had 2 cups of milo followed by rice, then 4 eggs and another cup of milo. in between the games i sneaked away several times to buy drinks as well.
really sunburnt and i hope it wont start itching and peeling(false hope).
went home for another cup of milo, followed by afternoon nap.
hoyt recurves are looking sexy for me. but price is unsexy-ing it.
maybe should start of with a cheap wooden recurve.
maybe shouldnt buy a bow at all.
i'll see how. after the course thingy then i will decide.
but a hoyt recurve will set me back by about 1000 plus $.$
ohwell. i havent spent the $800 scholarship allowance :)

crash day 2

2009-04-25T01:32:00.003+08:00

what a nice day. woke up late(as usual) but managed to catch the early bus. first lesson web app project. spent some time discussing about hearing loss due to music(oh, the irony) and then wasted time doing other stuff like youtube.
then was off for a break where i had no money due to buying of textbook.
wanted to withdraw from campus atm but it was out of order. so walked to yck atm and it was also spoilt. then train-ed to amk where station atm was spoilt too. so i pressed money at amk hub. and also waited for joshua while he got money from home.
then was programming tutorial followed by web app(same guy, Vincent as called by jie kai)
ended around 3 plus where i rushed home to crash 02's gathering/birthday surprise thingy. had karaoke and pool fun and new friends.
i've just finished programming tutorial 4. hope my answers are right.
archery orientation tomorrow(it's really just later at 9am). hope i dont get kicked from there.
now, contemplating part of Octavarium:Act 3 "Full Circle"

Running forward
Falling back
Spinning round and round
Looking outward
Reaching in
Scream without a sound

Leaning over
Crawling up
Stumbling all around
Losing my place
Only to find I've come full circle

It's funny how things have come full circle. where we were before, we are now. well, i guess this is what life is about. being trapped in the Octavarium of things we will never be released from. it is an endless cycle of events that only plague us more as we learn more about them.

crashing day

2009-04-23T22:20:00.002+08:00

had loads of nonsense today. met in early morning for double meal breakfast at macs.
then lecture on web app development which we were late for 10 minutes and we saw the intimidating side of mr scott jones. after 1 hour of lecture we were off to french class for 2 hours.
teacher was quite a nonsensical person. step into the class start speaking to us in french.
chose my french name. wanted Gilles because of Gilles de Rais. but settled for Basile instead. easier to remember and wont get lost when the teacher calls me.
Uwais' name is Cyril, pronounced like Cereal. Jiekai had Ronald, pronounced Ho-nad(Whole Nut) and royson had Romeo, (Homeo/Homo/Wholemeal).
i must have been really hungry thinking of food associations. but then again, cereal, whole nut and wholemeal aint exactly appetising.
then after that we said "au revoir" and class was dismissed with majority of the people going home at 12.
i stayed and waited for bren to pass him his RAM. he had management lecture at 2 so i just crashed it. was doing cmaths during the lecture. business school is really corrupted. people either sleep in the lecture or gossip and talk shit among themselves. was there until 3 plus when the lecture ended prematurely. such a corrupted place. walked back to IT school and spent some time doing my cmaths tutorial before proceeding to crash is0902's cmaths tutorial at 4. teacher was really quite a funny lady. didnt even notice that im not from her class until the end of the lesson when i tried to leave. she was bursting with anger but said that i can come.
walked around with yl and edward finding for something around hougang avenue 6 until 8 plus. im really full. had waffles, then pizza, then green tea, then ice blended, then back home for dinner with more tea and water.
crashing the 02 gathering tomorrow too. im really a crasher.

and the hardest part, was letting go not taking part.

2009-04-22T22:17:00.002+08:00

late for school again today.
supposed to go to bed at 8 but was really busy. and web app development is exciting but im really dont feel like buying the book on html.
math is left undone, java is done till the third lecture.
meeting for breakfast at macs tmr.
bye.

of late night blogging and insomnia

2009-04-22T02:40:00.002+08:00

i realise i have been sleeping at really weird timings everyday. i go to bed at 4-5am in the night, and 4-5pm in the afternoon.
so a normal day for me would be waking up at 8, going to school, coming back at 4, sleeping, and waking up at 8pm for dinner, going online till 4am, and the endless cycle repeats itself.

im beginning to realise the void in my life. quick, i need something to fill me up.
i hope cca gives me enough reason to live.

now, maths tutorial 1 and java tutorial 1 is undone. too lazy to do. and i finally cut my nails. they were so long and impeding in my typing and guitar playing. im really hungry now. but its 245 in the morning. tomorrow is a really short day(not) and i hope i wont fall asleep in class.

okay more about today. was really late for class. i left my home at 820(early).
buses that came were all full to the brim and i even saw a 72 bus tilted to one side due to over-people. so i waited till 840 and decided to take a cab. but cabs were full too. and so i got on board a 72 bus at 855(school starts at 9).
thats was how i reached class at 920 and i didnt even realise my ipod was still turned on. so embarrasing.
i've just finished filling up lyrics for some songs in ipod.
going to sleep now.

tired much.

2009-04-20T23:09:00.002+08:00

1st day of school was..
wont say much about it. dont want to make myself look bad.
woke up at 830 after missed calls from yun heng and rushed to school.
went straight to lecture theater 2 instead of meeting them.
overall today was slack. not much learning done.
after reaching home at 430 immediately went to bed and slept till 830.
feeling really weird. must be due to recent sleeping time of 4-5am.
im really really tired now and dont feel like blogging but just a short post for commitment's sake.
going for chloe's engagement party this sunday. dont know what to bring :X
maybe i'll bring a bottle of vodka, but then again, shes underaged o.o

stationary spending spree

2009-04-19T22:37:00.006+08:00

quite tired. blogging for commitment's sake.
slept at 530 after chatting with wendi or wendy or whatever you spell you name as, and facebook gaming.
woke up at 1230 and played more.
left for grandma's house at 500 and had dinner. went to popular after that with the intention of buying a hard plastic transparent thingy to fit my timetable. ended up spending 20 plus on impulse buying of stationary which i didnt really need.

why is life so empty for me?
it's like there's no meaning for me.
i hope to find some purpose after starting school and meeting new friends in cca.
i wana join archery, since its the only target sport available. nyp doesnt have shooting club. sucks much. maybe i will start one.
yunhann says she wants to join archery too. hope to see her there after like, 4 years?
and anna says im good looking. like wtf right. so many other people say im ugly.
but, handsome or ugly is just a relative comparison right.
i really dont believe in factoring looks when looking for a relationship, however the other party must not be disgustingly ugly from my point of view.
looks are superficial, i might say. but im kinda contradictory against myself. well, i guess nobody can escape from the viscious cycle our so called judgement puts us in.

i try to forget you as you forgot me, but it ain't easy.

blackwaterpark

2009-04-19T01:26:00.005+08:00

another wasted day.
woke up at 1 for the most horrendus lunch ever. then computer usage which was interupted by stupid router disconnecting intermittently.
called singtel and convinced them that i needed a technician over to check whats wrong. and so its arranged for tuesday.
left home at 4 plus to send dad's phone for repair while meeting eerong for dinner at just acia with free flow of drinks and ice cream.
then we were in yamaha testing bass guitar and next, at city hall because i needed a new cable from davies.
davies was closed to wanted to look at pool cues from top floor(which was closed too)
it was fucking scary becuase the whole peninsula plaza 5th floor was empty and the shutters were moving as though someone inside was banging to get out.
so then went to citylink hmv where i got opeth's blackwater park

sexy album with desireable songs
then after that was home for dinner of 4 slices of pizza.
right now, songs that make me think

in my time of need-opeth
"I can't see the meaning of this life i'm leading, I try to forget you as you forgot me
this time there is nothing left for you to take, this is goodbye
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay

And I, should contemplate this change to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain, turn away.

Close to ending it all I am drifting through the stages of the rapture born within this loss
Thoughts of death inside, tear me apart from the core of my soul

Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay

And I, should contemplate this change, to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain, turn away.

At times, the dark's fading slowly, but it never sustains.
Would someone watch over me, In my time of need.
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay

And I, should contemplate this change, to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain, turn away.
And I, should contemplate this change, to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain, turn away."

2009-04-18T01:55:00.002+08:00

kk today was really a wasted day.
woke up late for notes buying and wanted to cab to sch. saw the 72 leave and told myself that cab will be faster.
cab didnt even come so took the next 72 and met them at koufu, not before getting lost on campus. collected ezlink card and lecture notes, then had really long lunch/cock talk session with PEM and finally leaving for amk hub(which i didnt go in the end).
went home and booked pool on the spot for 3-5 only to be cancelled at 230 before cabbing to anchorvale cc for swimming and fake wild wild wet for 80 cents entrance fee.
due to that, leg wounds are reopened and gross bleeding again.
then went macs for dinner.
then home for dinner again.
then downstairs for studying.
then back home solving kiat han's stupid java problem until now.
parents leaving for states at 3am. will be back in may.
i need to find out my favourite interests. i have too much and i cant possibly invest all my time into pool, air rifle, archery, guitaring, drumming and VB.NET.
feeling quite: like not hungry, not full.
im not satisfied with life. wheres my purpose? i feel something is lacking.
school is starting on monday. hope i dont fail the retarded computing maths module cause i hate matrices and dont even know how to times it.

POOL DAY

2009-04-16T21:54:00.003+08:00

really a waste of time day. woke up at 1230, decided to go air rifle and packed my gloves and all.
took my 1.5 hour train and bus journey only to realise i didnt bring membership card and my request to shoot was rejected.
so went back sad-ed and "conincidentally" bumped into lynette at yck. dunno whats with me these few days, all the deja vu and premonitions and predictions.
then passed by pool room downstairs and decided to book on the spot for 2 hours.
this is how i spoilt the table for 2 hours, and ended up with a grazed hand too.

first video was jump ball which looks easy from the angle. but in fact the "hurdle" ball was right in the middle of the jumping trajectory. was quite hard to control jump distance and height. if it were nearer to the cue ball, that would be easier.
in all videos, my brothers voice could be heard saying "okay" when he recording.
quite a wasted day for me.
is there more to life than this?

hypocrites.

2009-04-15T23:58:00.002+08:00

felt quite offended today when someone asked me to "stop behaving like a retard".
close friends will know that i dont attempt to behave like anything or anyone. they will also know how much i hate hypocrisy because i dont see a point in wearing a fake mask to cover your real person. if so, whats the point in life and identity?
almost wanted to tell that person, "speak for yourself, you christian"
no offence to anyone's religion but i think that is what most christians are. of course, there are the good ones, nobody can deny that.
but whats the point of your religion of everone behaves like a good person on saturday/sunday and acts like a bitch on the rest of the days? what for? to please who? god?
i am who i am because i am being myself and i dont try to be anybody. if you cant accept that, fuck off.
if you think im a retard, its just your perception. i am being myself. if you cant accept me being myself, fuck off too.
i hate people telling me how to behave, or rather, how to act.
why would you want to act like some "un-retard" when the image you are showing of yourself to the world is not the real you?
really i dont care about what others think about me. as long as my perception of myself is alright.
i dont live for anyone, why should i behave to please them?
i might change myself for someone i love, though.
because then, i would be living for her.

i dont see a point in living my life someway to show others i am such a person and then they realise that i am actually not. i rather that i show my true feelings and behaviour, if they appreciate then okay. if not i will just say fuck off.

okay more about today. waking up time was really late.
chionged out of house and missed 159. supposed to meet some of them at amk bus stop.
so took a 72 that came spontaneously, and trained to amk where i met kianhan, kaiwei and jon.
cabbed back to my house where meiling, rachel and yunheng were waiting at bus stop.
watched yesman and drummed abit before proceeding downstairs where karaoke was in full swing.
picked all the coldplay songs. lol
im out of voice now.
pooled awhile too. spent 1 hr practising breaks and controlling jump height and length.
need to get pool tuition from agdoron.
and he has confirmed my argument that cue ball rollback=backspin.
next round of tuition got alot to ask about english spin and how to guarantee 3 balls in a break.

i wana know, am i your special friend or just another pretty face in a sea of prettier faces?

stuck in square one

2009-04-15T00:18:00.002+08:00

quite dumb thing ah.
first i choose chinese for my module, then wanted french. but realised was too late for changes cause i kept dragging it and procrastinating. then i tried to psycho myself that chinese is good. can do business with china people all. and can score high.
so then i happy happy think i will get chinese and get my 4 gpa.
until today i check my timetable kena french.
back to square one.
then now i have to brainwash myself again.

lyrics that speak for me:
FIX YOU - COLDPLAY

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

quite a dumb day for me. woke up at 12 and rushed to raffles place for lunch, then appointment with skin doctor all, waste time only.
met eerong at hmv citylink and spent some time finding for his AT headphones and looking at tshirts and cds.
trained to yck where we took 72 to my house and completed gales of defeat pt 1.
chivas at my house is really weird with high alcohol content.
why ah. wheres the chivas i love. with oakly and flowery frangrance.
now like shit cant even drink properly.
then dinner-ed at home and drummed for 2 hours.
tmr karaoke. im going to choose all the coldplay songs :X
becoming a big fan of coldplay.

HARVEST

2009-04-13T22:51:00.004+08:00

Opeth-Harvest

Stay with me a while,
Rise above the vile.
Name my final rest,
Poured into my chest.

Into the orchard i walk peering way past the gate.
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait.
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead.
Halo of death, all i see is departure.
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr.

Pledge yourself to me ,
Never leave me be,
Sweat breaks on my brow,
Given time ends now.

Into the orchard i walk peering way past the gate.
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait.
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead.
Halo of death, all i see is departure.
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr.

Spirit painted sin,
Embers neath my skin,
Veiled in pale embrace,
Reached and touched my face.

Into the orchard i walk peering way past the gate.
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait.
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead.
(Release your grip)
Halo of death, all i see is departure.
(and let me go)
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr.
(into the night)

This song has one of the most striking lyrics and made me think alot. it seems like a verbrose piece of literature but it has very beautiful and sad lyrics if you understand it further.
in my opinion i think this song is about suicide.
"into the orchard i walk peering way past the gate"
is metaphorically referring to a man, walking towards the orchard(hell, i strongly believe) and looking far in deep. meaning its not his time to die yet but he is somewhat "looking forward to"/contemplating death.
"wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait"
wilted has a meaning of something beautiful but dead and dried. "for us who couldn't wait" is referring to those who suffer so much in life, they cant wait to die. it also has a slight reference to euthanasia. put together the whole sentence is suggesting suicide because in most religions commiting suicide is a waste of your life.
"name my final rest"
choosing your own end.
"pledge yourself to me ,never leave me be"
its like asking his beloved to pledge her feelings for him, even as he transits from life to afterlife, and never to leave him. visit in the cemetary maybe? qingming festival.
it may also mean, that he is asking his beloved to die with him.
these are his final words, because directly after that,
"sweat breaks on my brow, given time ends now."
having sweaty forehead or eyebrows suggest a feeling of nervousness, reluctance to leave. "given time ends now"=end of his life.
"Halo of death, all i see is departure. "
halo of death is a beautiful metorphor for the fragility of life and the beauty of death. halos are more commonly associated with angels and "halo of death" is suggesting a relief that he is gone. maybe he feels that he is a burden to someone or if he lives on it will be no good.
the next part of the sentece emphasises the point above.
"mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr"
mourner's lament refers to the sadness of his beloved, family and friends when he leaves them. a martyr is someone who has died for his cause. if for example, he know he has to die because if he lives, he will bring his family/beloved ill fate and so he kills himself. everyone is sad about his departure but in a sense he has a feeling of relief because he has died for his cause, which is to save them.
the harmonised parts "release your grip,and let me go, into the night"
asking the person who he is communication with, not to hold on to his life and let him pass away. also might mean, move on after i die.

kk that was really long and required alot of thinking and visualising the mood of the song. need to switch back to my hyper mood now. such a sad song really makes me wana cry.

about today: was woken up at 845 by vibrations of phone due to lynette calling. sat daydreaming in bed till 9, took 5 mins to pick a shirt. then rushed down to book karaoke for wednesday.
72 came right on the spot after leaving side gate and was able to board instantly. took it to yck where i bought plaster and met lynette for 13.
13 was really a funny bus. overshot the ecp bus stop and we got off 1 stop before the interchange. then took 13 back to the ecp bus stop again -.-
met ks,kthn and their classmate there. went to rent skates and next was skating around the noob area.
leg was hurting like fuck but no choice cause i had to fufil lynette's wish of "try rollerblading at ECP". skated around like a noob until lynette stopped and then we returned our skates. was removing my plaster then seeing the wound reopened and bleeding like hell.
next was lunch at macs where i got a surprise paying $6 for big mac meal upsized+iced milo. quite nice,cheap price.
then slacked in macs using com, gunz awhile too but internet was really laggy couldn't stand it.
arcade-ded where lynette left halfway and i took 43 home with ks, kthn and friend left to go to a skate shop. went home, slept till 830, ate abit for dinner and gunz-ded like mad until 1030 where i started making this post.
really really lethargic now maybe due to leg wound infection?
its gross looking and maybe i will see a doctor soon.
sleepy time..

fairness in life.

2009-04-12T23:52:00.002+08:00

was looking at kiangsiang's msn name :"if life is fair, why do roses have thorns"
then i told him, roses have thorns because life is fair. if roses didnt have thorns it would be so pretty and perfect and unfair to the other flowers.
thats the fairness of life. i believe that no one is perfect. but it is imperfections that make us truly beautiful. i believe that true love is when we learn to appreciate someone's imperfections to the point that they become perfect to us.
but what is perfect anyway? its not for us to say but one thing for sure is someone who tries to be perfect or tries to be someone else will never be perfect. only being ourselves, will we be imperfect and hence perfect.
why do i sound so philosophical. haha. i guess octavarium made me think alot about life. it is really the greatest album ever and i will recommend anyone to get it.

more about my day:
woke up at 1230, watched some korean drama until 2 then chionged to serangoon garden for chicken rice. grandma's hosue after that for 3 hours of left 4 dead, then dinner and back home for gunz with my razer mouse. until now lor.
tmr ecp, but need go book karaoke before that. or the people coming on wed got no place to go.

some things in life were meant to be left undone (like homework)

2009-04-12T02:16:00.002+08:00

yay feeling much better after a game of gunz. especially with my razer mouse. so shiok.
how ah? Gales of Defeat pt 1 needs lyrics and touching up. just sitting infront of my com now with my guitar finding out how to pair dissonant chords. no shit is coming out. eerong will be bursting angry when he see this.
full to the brim now with sakae 18 colored plates, chawanmushi, 1 hanabi sashimi and 1 handroll swimming in my tummy.
feeling like whacking my drums now. need something to whack. im going hyper listening to arch enemy. think i will play till 4 then guitar awhile more and sleep at 7 :)
and anyway i cant sleep cause leg skin has grazed parts from yesterday's ice skating. irritatingly awakeningly painful. hope it heals in time for rollerblading at ecp on mon!

rahhhhh

2009-04-12T01:15:00.002+08:00

firefox crashed and my whole post is gone. dont feel like blogging about what happened today anymore. im so full of emotions. excited for monday, sad for myself, regret for my past relationship, angry cause i feel betrayed.
that girl ah. few days after breakup together with some guy that she know for 1 week plus only. i feel cheated as if im one of her non-important playthings.
ohwell. its time to move on. as someone told me in the air rifle range before. when you dont get a 10, think about why you didnt get it for 15 seconds, then forget the whole damn thing. dont let your regret and unhappiness ruin your chances for the future.
im living each day like its my last, with no regrets. i dontwant to waste my life away. and really hope to be a useful person. well, at least im happy now.

Coldplay-The Scientist
nobody said it was easy, its such a shame for us to part.
nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard.
im going back to the start.

i walk(ice-skate) beside you

2009-04-10T23:51:00.003+08:00

very tiring day for me. woke up at 9:20 and realised i was late. chionged out of the house and managed to catch the 9:23 bus 72. took it all the way to hougang, during which i had almost no sense of my surroundings.
its like the time in the bus just passed without me knowing and controlling myself. weird. happened in the train to harbourfront too. maybe i was too engrossed in dream theater and thinking of some thoughts. but really freaky considering i walked so much not recalling anything. like a zombie.

met up with class people at harbourfront mrt. i was extremely overdressed due to jacket. but what to do. i scared hot, i scared cold. stuffed my ipod, headphones and jacket into lynette's bag because i was too lazy to bring my own. thanks for your storage space.
then went to banquet for expensive lunch scam of $10.70.
before lunch, me, lyn and yun walked to gv to get tix for The Sniper. but was told need ic to buy. happened to me during DMC too. then bohpian la.
went back to banquet to get scammed. but okay la the food was acceptable standard. but unacceptable price. banquet at compass was really shitty with beef that taste like rubbish.
after lunch went to arcade. no initial d :(
movie was really nostalgic. missed the days where i pia air rifle until everyday go down to shoot.
some things were really true like breathing techniques and all. but please lah. any noob shooter like me knows that.
after movie some guys left. then 9 of us supposed to go sentosa. preparing, bought drinks all when yunheng announced his phone weather report says sentosa=rain.
waited for the drug addict guowei(haha kidding) then we went off to kallang leisurepark for ice skating.
was the first time i skated on ice after p6. and the second time i wore shoes which are slippery. really had a tough time finding out how to skate but was quite okay without holding jiekai/khairi after 3/4 of our time there.
then before going off, me and lynette went around afew times. was really skating overconfidently and almost fallen if not for her holding my hand. thanks for pulling me. and you're welcome for me saving your ass. lynette fell 4 times total.
unexpected meeting with genevieve from tuition. quite shocking that spunky hot mama is really graceful in figure skating. and she had no time to teach me. haha weiqiang was thinking that i pretend not to know how to skate to get her attention and ask her to teach me. he had no idea we were friends.
after skating was thinking of bowling but waiting list=2 hours -.-
so we were discussing where to go and settled with marina square. dinner-ed there, bought lyn dinner and wanted to go bowling but no time.
lyn wore my jacket and with her scarf she look like some kind of artist.
train-ed to yck where someone fell asleep and kept banging on the guy beside her.
quite happy. i have a really sexy internship testimonial from Evohub Pte Ltd.

Lyrics that made me think and fitted in context of current situations:

Dream Theater
Octavarium (2005)

I Walk Beside You

There's a story in your eyes
I can see the hurt behind your smile
For every sign I recognize
Another one escapes me

Let me know what plagues your mind
Let me be the one to know you best
Be the one to hold you up
When you feel like you're sinking

Tell me once again
What's beneath the pain you're feeling
Don't abandon me
Or think you can't be saved

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far

Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

Summon up your ghosts for me
Rest your tired thoughts upon my hand
Step inside the sacred place
When all your dreams seem broken

Resonate inside this temple
Let me be the one who understands
Be the one to carry you
When you can walk no further

Tell me once again
What's below the surface bleeding
If you've lost your way
I will take you in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far

Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

Oh when everything is wrong
Oh when hopelessness surrounds you
Oh the sun will rise again
The tide you swim against will carry you back home
So don't give up
Don't give in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far

Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

monday ecp. rollerblading? HAHA

quite shocking

2009-04-09T23:28:00.002+08:00

quite shocking that boss treated me for lunch today and got bonus also. is really unexpected. like simon cowell letting william hung off his critisicm.

next monday-possible server deployment.
next sat-bbq.

im going to miss sharepoint so much. its so fun and easy to use although its not really WYSIWYG and code-free.

feeling very empty. idontknow why. its like theres nothing left for me to carry on. maybe im just wasting my time.

right now im thinking in my head, how i used to complain so much about being posted to SA when i was in sec 1. but now i have really matured. what are regrets for? if i hadnt gone through what i have, i wouldnt be the guy i am now. results is not all that matters because it is really up to ourselves to study. but character is subconciously moulded by our environment. so i dont regret going through all this. really made me to become the nonsensical but serious when its appropriate kind of guy.

as chinese cheng yu says : yin shui si yuan. i hope to live my life without regret and instead be thankful for the choice that i have made and the choices that have made me.

current mood: ignored. maybe i dont have the right to complain cause nobody belongs to me.

anyway. im super scared now after listening to pink floyd's "several species of small animals gathered in a cave and grooving with a pict". really the epitome of psychedelic rock.

at home.

2009-04-08T22:08:00.002+08:00

im at home now. tmr is my last day at work. somehow feeling "Finally Free" and at the same time, cant bear to leave. Thanks for the memories. Hope to have 2 more meetings with rav. Server deployment and BBQ outing next sat. No point feeling sad because thats what life is about. From the moment it started there has to be an end. this is the way the world works. the beginning is the end. Somehow Dream Theater's album Octavarium made me think alot about life. Everything we do is a cycle of beginning and end.

Had tonnes of server security hardening shit to do today. and security auditing is driving me crazy. imagine entering everything from command-line only to realise that theres a GUI to do it in 2 seconds.

ohwell. to vcr i really hope you will put down you heavy load which is killing you and move on with life. Should understand the meaning of Octavarium. really is life saving.

endlessly,

2009-04-08T12:59:00.002+08:00

Lunch time now in office. don't feel like eating.
To that special person in my life, i dedicate this song:

Artist: Muse
Album: Absolution(2003)

Endlessly

There's a part of me you'll never know
The only thing I'll never show

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes

It's plain to see it's trying to speak
Cherished dreams forever asleep
Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
But the moment never comes

blog more when i get home.

fatigued from fun.

2009-04-08T00:51:00.000+08:00

had a great day today. although i drank more than i should.. about 6-7 shots? im feeling very weak now. emotionally and physically. I feel like im trapped in the walls of my conciousness. It's painfully hard to carry on. Torn between the ideal reality and the ugly truth. arrgh i dunno what im talking about. i should go to sleep.
It really occurs to me why am i holding my emotions inside. im not one to bottle things up but i know its really for my own good. dont want to make the wrong decision and regret for the next 10 years. even so, making the wrong decision doesnt neccesarily mean i will have the chance to regret...

life is all about chance.

bored at work.

2009-04-07T15:44:00.000+08:00

its 3.45pm now and theres nothing for me to do!! installing windows for a new com and blogging from my phone. looking forward to k-ing with the people later even though i will probably end up screaming death metal..

polar phobia

2009-04-07T01:41:00.000+08:00

new blog.

today was really retarded. bought my farewell present for office people since rav is going off and his thursday is my last day.

me and zi jie teamed up to buy 75 polar stuff. like 15 sugar rolls, 15 strawberry rolls, 15 chocolate rolls, 15 eclairs, 15 custard puffs. costed us $80+. why 15? cause i thought there was going to be 15 people and each person could have one of every type.

rav said my mentality very cute. now i understand why. cause everytime i go for lunch with them, i eat 2 or more servings of different stuff. so he thinks that in my head i like to have more variety and choices.

anyway, polar was really overkill. lynette had some too. was really full to the brim with polar. after work rushed down immediately to ecp in a hopeless bus like number 12 which drives so slow and has broken dustbin.

too late to catch the sunset cause i wanted to find inspiration for gales of defeat pt 1 chorus and second verse.

thanks vcr for being my inspiration today. had fun talking cock and listening to dream theater with you.